Вечная память Владика!

It is with great sadness that we all bare the passing of our beloved Metropolitan and spiritual father, his Eminence Metropolitan Hilarion (Kapral), the First Hieararch of ROCOR. It was with bitter sadness I received the news. It was with many tears that I watched the funeral service of our great pastor. Though, in the end, during this paschal season, it is with great joy we all move forward knowing that we will see him again, because Christ is Risen! He is risen indeed.

I wish to share the Eulogy that was given for his eminence, shared by Fr Victor Potapov. He is loved. He is missed. We shall see him again.

Eulogy for Met Hilarion by Fr Victor Potapov

Our hearts responded with acute pain to the news that, on May 16 of this year, the day of commemoration of Venerable Theodosius, Abbot of the Kiev Caves, and the eve of the 15th anniversary of the re-establishment of liturgical communion within the Russian Orthodox Church, our Vladyka Metropolitan Hilarion, ruling archpastor of the Eastern American Diocese, First Hierarch of the Russian Orthodox Church Outside of Russia, had departed to the Lord. How we shall miss the opportunity to be with him, to hear his soft but cheerful voice, to look upon his kind and disarming smiling face.
I am often asked what Vladyka was like in his youth. I always give everyone the same response: he was born to become a monk, and his entire life was a convincing apologia for the institution of monasticism!

After the announcement of Vladyka’s death, social networks were instantly filled – and to this day continue to be filled – with numerous reminiscences about Vladyka. And this is wonderful, because it will give the future biographer of our deceased First Hierarch the richest material for describing his life, his vita.

Many considered him to be a close friend, and so he was. He had many friends but, as far as I am aware, practically no foes – except, of course, the common enemy of our salvation.

I first made the acquaintance of Igor Kapral, the future First Hierarch of ROCOR, 55 years ago, in 1967, when we both began our studies at Holy Trinity Seminary at Holy Trinity Monastery in Jordanville, NY. He came from the far-Western Canadian city of Edmonton, AL, and I from the city of Cleveland, OH. Igor was a quiet, deeply pious young man, who had been so brought up by his parents and by the ever-memorable Archbishop Sava (Saracevic; +1973), a “special” friend and spiritual ally of St. John Maximovitch.

Initially, we first-year students were housed in the large so-called “common cell” in the old seminary building. There were nine or ten of us in that common room. Later, we were moved into separate rooms, each for two people. Igor and I ended up as roommates. For more than six months, we lived side by side. As they say in Russian, in cramped conditions, but without offense! (“Вътеснот?, даневъобид?!”)

The future hierarch spent little time in our common cell. He devoted most of his time to reading in the library or working at a variety of obediences. In those days, the monastery had a large farming operation, with enormous fields under cultivation, cows, chickens, etc. There was no end to the work, and the small monastic brotherhood depended upon help from the seminarians. Each student was expected to devote two to four hours per day on obediences to work off the cost of his education.
Igor never refused a single obedience. He was always ready to help everyone, whether in the kitchen, in the printshop, or on the monastery farm. And, for many years, he cared for the paralyzed Archbishop Averky (Taushev; +1976) day and night. In this manner, he tirelessly spent his entire monastic life in Jordanville, until he was called to an even more responsible hierarchical service.

The future Metropolitan studied well (straight As), read a great deal, and gradually improved his facility in Russian. By the way, in the 1960s all subjects at the seminary were taught in Russian, and at the time, neither of us spoke Russian well.

In the evenings, Igor would take a book and climb into the upper bunk. (I spent the night in the lower one). He would often ask me to listen to an excerpt from a book he was reading. He especially loved the Lives of the Saints. One day he read to me a description of the excruciating tortures inflicted upon the martyrs during the early centuries. He was reading aloud while weeping, and unwittingly transmitted that feeling of compunction to me, as well.

Sometime later, we were moved to vacant cells on the fourth floor of the large monastic residential building. We had adjacent cells. His door was always slightly ajar. From my room, I often heard monks and seminarians coming to him to talk or to ask for his help. And I would often stop in, either to discuss personal or general problems, or just to chat. That did not seem to tire him out; if it did, he did not show it.

He always listened patiently and lovingly to everyone, and even if he did not tell his visitors anything particularly special, they nonetheless left feeling reassured and at peace. He had the rare spiritual gift – an ability to listen.

After graduating from the seminary in 1972, we went our separate ways, I as a deacon to a parish church, and he remaining under obedience at his native monastery.
While living in a monastery during my years of study at the seminary, I would often think of the nature of monastic podvig [ascetic struggle], and what prompts a person to undertake such a difficult struggle. During my years of study at Jordanville, I observed young novices who came to the monastery, and some who could not endure and left, having realized that they did not have a calling to such a way of life. My close association with Igor convinced me that there are rare people like our future Vladyka who are born to lead such a life. In conversations with people who doubted the expediency of the monastic path, I would always point out Vladyka Hilarion as an example of true monasticism.

Our friendship continued to grow stronger, and we even became kumovya [the relationship between a child’s father and the one who is godfather at the child’s Baptism] when he became godfather to my second son Sergei. My son was Vladyka’s first godchild, and how many others followed! An entire host!
In 1984, Fr. Hilarion became Bishop of Manhattan, secretary of the Synod of Bishops, and vicar bishop of the Eastern American Diocese.

He was always accessible. One could call him at any time. He always picked up the phone, patiently listened to requests and complaints, and would find solutions.

Vladyka was a missionary-minded hierarch. During his time as one of the monastic brethren at the Holy Trinity Monastery, he diligently translated our Russian spiritual literature into English, and became editor of the quarterly magazine “Orthodox Life.” During his administration, many English-speaking communities were formed in our Eastern American Diocese.

Vladyka was Ukrainian by birth and Russian in spirit. He was a total human being, someone who made no distinction among people based on ethnic origin, skin color, or gender. All were precious to him, and in each person he saw first and foremost the image and likeness of God. He was convinced that every soul was equally in need of pastoral care and salvation.
Vladyka was always attentive to the needs of others. If you asked him for some kind of written reference, he would always fulfill the request by the end of that day, or at the very latest, the next day.

Several years ago, Vladyka was diagnosed with cancer. The faithful of the Church were quite alarmed by that circumstance. Yet Vladyka did not pay much attention to the state of his health. To the very end, he continued to visit parishes, to receive visitors, and to be involved in church matters.
Knowing of the worsening state of his health, I would like to bring to your attention the Beatitudes that applied to him. It is no coincidence that that Gospel passage is read on days of commemoration of venerable saints, the holy monks.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit.” Blessed poverty, which Vladyka possessed, represents the absolute openness of the person before God, freedom from all pride and belief in the power of one’s own spirit, one’s own ideas and opinions, freedom from the vain speculations of one’s heart. Our late Vladyka possessed that quality in abundance.

“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.” Meekness is the spiritual force that removes anger, malice, enmity, and condemnation from the heart and adorns the soul with a quiet disposition. To be meek means to be gentle and kind, free from all selfishness and worldly ambition, and in everything to reject the possibility of coercion and violence. And to have the firm and calm conviction that good is stronger than evil, and that sooner or later, it always wins.

Was not our late Vladyka such a person?

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” The heart is the source and guardian of our spiritual life. The heart is the spiritual eye with which we contemplate what is invisible to bodily eyes and incomprehensible to the mind. The ability for spiritual contemplation depends exclusively on purity of the heart.

In the Sermon on the Mount, the Lord said: “The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light. But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness” (Matthew 6:22-23).

According to St. John of Kronstadt, a pure heart is “meek, humble, simple, trusting, not deceitful, unsuspicious, not malicious, kind, unselfish, not envious, unadulterous” (My Life in Christ, v.1 p.81).

Vladyka was sincere, and with that quality, he calmed and encouraged his flock. How he disliked hearing condemnations! I witnessed how in his presence someone was “washing other people’s little bones” [nitpicking, condemning others’ faults], and he felt uneasy, for words of condemnation wounded his pure heart. He listened in silence, perhaps while mentally reciting the Jesus Prayer. One could often notice that an accuser would tell Vladyka everything he wanted to, and suddenly, inexplicably, would lose interest in expressing further condemnation…

“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.” To be merciful means to be like unto God, for, according to Psalm 102, “compassionate and merciful is the Lord, long suffering and plenteous in mercy.” Our Lord Jesus Christ speaks about the same thing in His Sermon on the Mount:
“…Love your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest; for He is kind to the unthankful and the evil. Be ye therefore merciful as your Father also is merciful” (Luke 6:35-36).

To be merciful means to have compassion for those gone astray and pity on those imprisoned by sin. To forgive those who do wrong, who not only harm others, but first of all destroy themselves, destroy their own human nature.

How much mercy our late Vladyka demonstrated over the course of his 74 years of earthly life! He helped everyone, both prayerfully and financially. Quite often he gave his modest funds to the needy, and hid that fact from others. How many amazing stories of his generosity could we tell!

Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, [Vladyka,] for great is your reward in the Heavens!” (Matthew 5:12).
One could continue to consider in the same spirit other Beatitudes and how they applied to our deceased archpastor, but the above is already enough to outline his image.

The earthly wandering of our Metropolitan Hilarion has come to its conclusion. For us here on earth, it is a loss, but for the Heavens, it is a gain. I am certain that even there, “where there is no sickness, no sorrow, no sighing,” our dear Vladyka will not leave us, and will continue to prayerfully care for us and for the Church Abroad which is so dear to his heart.

Memory Eternal to you, my dear brother in Christ, friend, kum, and archpastor. You will be sorely missed!

Archpriest Victor Potapov
May 21, 2022. New York

Paschal Epistle of Metropolitan Hilarion First Hierarch of the Russian  Orthodox Church Outside of Russia | Western American Diocese

I am not alone.

I am not Alone
Welcome to memory lane  Let us take a little walk.

I have this weird habit of walking around my apartment and monologuing, practicing one side of conversations that will likely never take place.  On one hand, it is a good way for me to work through things that have been on the back of my mind for a time.  In other ways it is a way to practice my dialogue, for I still have issues speaking, forming sentences on the fly (off script if you will, which is one reason I much prefer writing to speaking).  My monologue turned into a diatribe of sorts, and I found this to be unexpected. I came to some self realizations, realized some offenses that maybe I had not forgiven, and found solace in these self revelations, albeit minor in the grand scope of things.

The last 20 years have been no easy road for me.  Every real or meaningful thing I had wanted to do in this life was derailed by one thing or another, and at each failure along that journey, most of them were endured alone.  I couldn’t join the military because I suddenly became diabetic.  I lost my first good job to 9/11. I worked hard for over a year saving for a car, having walked everywhere for a year before that, only to have the money stolen by the man I was buying the car from. I lost my home after helping a friend get back on his feet, he neglecting to tell me he was a registered sex offender.  I was homeless for 48 hours.  I was denied a government job that would have opened all other doors to me, all because of a bankruptcy caused by hurricanes that took my job and everything else from me. The first time I followed my heart, I ended up in Baltimore and was punished for it.

I remember after losing my job to the hurricanes, and being evicted after helping my friend, I took a test at the workforce center in south Florida.  I was referred there by a friend of the man that had taken me in.  After taking the aptitude test, we were walking down the hall and talking.  I hadn’t noticed she stopped until I was a few paces ahead.  I looked back and she was staring at the page with my test results.  She simply looked up at me:

“Why are you here?”

“I need a job?”

“Yes, but why are YOU here?  We don’t get test scores like this here?”

I had a job within a week.  It was not long after this I followed my girlfriend at the time to Baltimore, and found myself floundering in another hopeless situation with no job, and no way out.  In the end I went home.

There is a lot more to that story, but that is for another time. I did not know where I was going.  I did not know what I was doing.  All I knew is I was searching FOR  something that had meaning, and that was bigger than myself.  I wanted something that gave my life meaning, because few others in my life have ever seen any meaning in it.

Then I found the Church.

Looking back over the last 7 years, while that journey has only gotten tougher, I have never been more determined. While others may not see value in what I do, I could care less.

Before I even began my educational journey, I had a stroke.  I lost the ability to talk clearly, write anything legible at all, and typing was a near impossibility.  I sounded like I had downs syndrome for months, and it took many months after that to regain some degree of muscle memory.  After much hard work I regained about 80% functionality, without which online schooling would have been an impossibility.

The following year, at the end of my very first semester of what would be 5 years of school, I went into full respiratory failure from my 7th bout with pneumonia.  It was right in the middle of finals, and it was a miracle there alone that I passed.  I was Chrismated onto what was supposed to be my death bed.  Looking back years after the fact, I see the lineup of dates involved and realize that I was not alone. January 7th is Christmas on the Old Calendar for the Orthodox Church; January 9th was my Birthday; January 11th was the day I almost died; January 14th is Saint Basil’s feast day, for whom I was Chrismated and later named at my ordination.

In my room, I was given a a framed paper icon of Saint Luke of Crimea.  I could have sworn I saw a single tear run down the glass, but I dismissed it at the time.  A couple days later I was able to get out of bed and I inspected the framed icon, and on the glass there is a single streak that was not there before, from his right eye half way down the glass.  I still have that icon. That streak is still there.  At that moment, I knew I was not alone.

For the next three years I was expected to read stacks of books for my theological education, and then my vision started to fail.  Multiple eye surgeries, and countless migraines from reading so many books on one functioning eye took its toll over time, but I finished.

In the months leading up to finals, and eventually Ordination, the home life fell apart.  Amanda’s car broke.  Amanda broke her foot shortly after having major surgery.  For two and a half months I worked overtime, sold things of sentimental value to me in order to keep the house afloat on my paycheck alone.  Yet, I finished up my last semester while doing all this and working more than full time hours.

The day I was ordained, my retina detached.  I had yet another eye surgery the following week.  Not long after this, though I was not looking, a door opened and I could not pass by and started my Bachelors in History.  Sometime after all this, Amanda started having her own issues.  I won’t go into details, but a year later it ended in my being served divorce papers, and right in the middle of finals.  Yet, on the day I was served, I was called and approved for an apartment, something I was told never happens that quickly, like ever.  Also that day, I received in the mail a vial of myrrh from the Holy Myrrh streaming Iveron icon in Hawaii.  At that moment, I knew I was not alone.

Now that I have finished school, I am awaiting my next step.  What is the road I will take next? In the meantime, my life may or may not have meaning, but it is doing something meaningful.  I serve the Church every week as much as I am able.  I perform those duties that are given to me that are of import to others.  I have continued my writing, of which others have found useful, and many more are encouraging me to publish.  I get messaged daily by people daily on Twitter, Discord, sometimes Facebook, and even email, all asking me for advice. I don’t have a beacon lit, and I am a sinner just like the rest of them, so I have no idea why they come, but I make myself available to all those who seek it.  I myself am unimportant, and someday I will pass on, but my work will live on after me and hopefully be of benefit to others for years to follow.

I could die in my apartment right now, and it would likely be a week or more before anyone realized I was missing (except maybe my boss, or Peter, because no one wants my job), but even in realizing this, I will always remember that I am not alone.  Yes, I am eccentric, sometimes temperamental, maybe even a little OCD, and for this reason there are many people that don’t want to be around me; yet, even in my isolation, I am not alone.  I ride a motorcycle, for why drive a 4 door car when you have no one to ride with you; yet, despite the number of wheels beneath me, I am not alone.  I wanted a wife and family more than words can express, and for a time I had a wife I loved, and a daughter that I always wanted.  Even though others have sought to take this away from me, and even though I can never have this again, it is at least comforting to know that I am not alone.  Friends have turned their back on me; awards, events, graduations and all things of import to me have been walked alone, but regardless if my side is empty, I will always know that I am not alone.

Loneliness is born of blindness.  Open your eyes and see that you are not alone.

May be art of water

Happy New Year!

A New Year, a new endeavor!

As we move into the new year, there are so many things on the horizon. I graduated the Saint Stephens Program only a few months ago, and was ordained almost immediately after. Since then I have completed the second draft of a A Simple Catechism of the Orthodox Church, and it has already gained quite a following of people waiting for it to see completion. I have erected my website, my twitter, and established my digital presence, primed and ready for the coming year. With new projects and clergy conferences on the horizon, I look forward to whatever this year has to bring. I especially look forward to working on those tasks which I have placed upon my own shoulders, as I find ways to guide the Orthodox Church into the spirit of our age, and be better prepared and equipped for the evangelism of the modern world.

I look forward to whatever 2019 has to bring. May God grant us all many years!